NOTE: I am a fan of 30-day challenges, and November is traditionally a time of two: National Novel Writing Month, and 30 Days of Thanks. As I am not a fiction writer, this year I have chosen to publish a daily blog for the entire month, expressing my gratitude. This may not be entirely food-focused, but expect recipes aplenty. Feel free to join me in the comments below. What are you thankful for today?
Fresh parsley from a local garden.
I guess today I am thankful for being busy; I started a food delivery service just one month ago, and this week I have eight deliveries. That’s eight people for whom I am cooking this week, people who can come home and have a delicious, organic meal ready for them when they come home.
I am grateful for the people who order every week. I am grateful for their support and their feedback, but mostly I am grateful to be able to make someone’s long day a little easier with a hot meal.
It warms the cockles of my heart when someone stands up and puts it out there: who they are, who they are not, what they believe. Things they might, in fact, die for if shit went south and got overly dramatic or fraught.
Take corn dogs, for instance.
I have an old friend who is almost like a brother who now mostly exists for me on Facebook. He was a great friend in person and is now a great friend online.
But he has gone his entire life not having ever tasted the ambrosia that is a corn dog.
How is this possible? In this day and age, with an abundance of corn dogs to be had, how can he have not eaten the greasy golden goodness of tube meat encased in sweetcrunchycreamy corn bread?
And back the fuck away with ketchup. Mustard only. #ThisIsNotAmateurHour
When I expressed my disbelief in this corn dog-sized hole in his heart (that was hitherto undiscovered) and my own love of corn dogs, he said, and I quote:
“I would’ve pegged you as anti-corn dog.”
A dagger. Like a dagger to the heart.
How can ANYONE be anti-corn dog? Is that even possible? I question the validity of the term itself.
And where on earth would he have gotten the anti-corn dog vibe?
This is not the first time I have run up against this sentiment. In my yoga teacher training, I routinely get asked for healthy recipes, and people there say they need to look at my blog when they are trying to eat something that is good for them.
Let’s go to the record: my last two recipes have been for cake and Nanaimo bars, a tooth-achingly sweet yet delicious concoction that serves very few and still manages to use an entire stick of butter in one of its three layers.
I make a coffee cake that uses two cups of sugar and an entire bar of cream cheese.
The book that I just wrote features more dessert recipes than any other kind in any other section. By a lot.
Yes, the things I create are gluten free. But health food? They are not.
So it seems fitting to set the record straight.
This is not a manifesto.
I believe in eating well.
I believe in fresh food, cooked with love.
I believe in butter, lots of it, and heavy cream. I also believe in full-fat cream cheese and whole milk.
I love sugar. I don’t believe in sugar substitutes. If you substitute agave for sugar, do it because agave has its own delicious taste, but don’t try to fool yourself into thinking it is magically better for you than regular sugar. #DittoHoney
I think everyone should be able to eat something delicious when they come to my house, regardless of their dietary restrictions. Sometimes this means limiting fat, salt, and sugar. These are instances in which I will do whatever I need to do to make a person feel welcome.
If something makes you feel bad, don’t eat it, and ignore the haters. #IAmLookingAtYouGlutenShamers
I am not above a box of macaroni and cheese. Nor am I below it. Mostly it is somewhere in the middle, right behind my navel.
I have eaten an entire bag of chips for dinner.
I don’t believe in diets. I don’t believe in dieting. I don’t believe in “cheat days.”
I believe in moderation in all things, including moderation (thanks, Oscar Wilde).
I believe that cooking and feeding people is an art that everyone should have access to. So stow your elitist bullshit (like the $20 fried pig’s tail – are YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME – currently on offer at a local nose-to-tail hipster place that I won’t name but should).
And I believe that when you go to the fair or a carnival, GET A FUCKING CORN DOG.
So. Mike. For you, here is a corn dog.
Mike Kendall’s First Corn Dog
Note: Because I believe good food should be affordable, I won’t always use organic things. GMOs are up for debate, and I will not enter the fray here. HOWEVER. Because hot dogs are generally made of, as my friend Luke says, lips and assholes, spend your money on good ones. Either go to a butcher you trust, or at least go kosher. I like Hebrew National (#SupportTheJews #MyFatherWouldBeProud) and Applegate’s uncured, no nitrates organic stadium dogs for both taste and texture. You can also use veggie dogs if you must; I used ToFurky’s vegan version of hot dog in testing.
1 1/4 cups buttermilk (OR, easy cheater way: Add one tablespoon of apple cider vinegar to 1 1/4 cups of milk and let sit for ten minutes. Proceed as directed. #BOOM)
Vegetable oil for frying (a nice big bottle. #Yum)
Method
I use an enameled cast-iron Dutch oven for frying. If you have a fryer, that works, too. Heat oil to 350 degrees. I aim for about three inches of oil in the pot; you may not need as much. You do, however, need to heat it to 350. #Trust
Mix dry ingredients together in a medium-sized bowl.
Mix wet ingredients in a small bowl. Add wet ingredients to dry and mix until there are no lumps (I like a whisk for this purpose. Don’t be gentle; it’s not a baby bunny.).
There are two ways to go about frying up some homemade fair food.
Easy way:
Cut hot dogs into 2-inch pieces and coat in flour. Dip into batter, then remove with a fork and drop into hot oil. Fry until golden brown, moving them around as needed to ensure crispy goodness all over. Use tongs or a spider to remove to paper towels to drain.
Eat a ridiculous amount of these.
Less easy way (requires more attention and the purchase of sturdy skewers):
Pour batter into a tall drinking glass.
Skewer your hot dogs through the end almost all the way to the top. Roll hot dogs in flour to coat, then dip that dog into the batter.
Place in heated oil and fry that baby up until the outside is golden brown and delicious, about three minutes. Make sure to flip around in the oil so that all sides are brown.
Pro tip: As you lower the dogs into the oil, go slowly and swirl the top of the dog in the hot oil. This seals the batter so that it doesn’t fly off in all directions and looks more like fair corn dogs.
Remove from oil and place on paper towels to drain. Serve with mustard, or, begrudgingly, with ketchup.
I won’t lie: sriracha mayo is also delicious here, as is honey mustard.
Recipe notes
Leftover batter can be fried on its own and sprinkled with powdered sugar. Go for broke and top with a can of cherry pie filling or chocolate pudding and it’s like the fair has come to you.
Leftover batter also keeps in the ‘fridge for a day.
Add cayenne to your batter, a teaspoon or two, for a little spicy dog.
Today is my birthday, and in honor of that I am posting this lovely, gluten-free cake (just the picture), baked for me by my particular friend’s daughter, unexpectedly.
You will notice that there is a divot in the top right corner. Yes, I ate some. Two forkfuls, to be precise, and they were large and delicious.
My friend Bonnie, the superhero, also made me a birthday dinner Saturday night, the first party thrown in my birthday honor since I was ten or eleven, I guess. A small gathering with delicious food and people I love.
As I enter my 46th year on the planet, it seems to me that the most important things have become distilled and clear in my mind.
Connection.
Gratitude.
Love.
Compassion.
As we are all still works in progress, there are things with which I still struggle, bonds I am in the process of strengthening, and those which are being carefully dissolved.
But I am grateful this early, early birthday morning for the wonderful people who have stayed with me through my life, and those who have recently become so important. For me, they are the only gift worth receiving.
So to the wonderful people who make up my small, beautiful, determined tribe, thank you so much for being the light and love in my life. My only hope is to be as good a friend to you all as you have been to me. I appreciate you more than you know, and I hope to share this appreciation of you in various ways this year.
“Instructions for living a life. Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.”
But it feels like a high school crush. Not the high school I went to or the way I went to high school, though. Studied indifference + avoiding all responsibilities = no fluttery, butterfly feelings for a boy in my high school. Too busy trying to alternately melt into the background and get the fuck out.
I am talking high school with the montages of far-off stares and private smiles. Notes left in lockers and walks in the woods, holding hands. Cozy dates with fluffy blankets (these montages always have the best throws/blankets and sweaters/coats). Sideways glances and actually giving a crap what you look like when you walk out the door.
Mixed tapes.
Courtship.
Except I have felt too old for courtship and was pretty sure that I had already had my last first kiss. My last first anything. (nudge, wink, cheeky reference which isn’t even veiled and everyone knows means sex, so what the hell?)
Which is tough to swallow, yes, when that whole thing goes to shit. The idea of any new firsts of any kind has been horrific, not because of grief or any of that but because OH MY GOD. Do I really have to go through all of that shit again?
Because life isn’t like the high school with the montages. It’s uncomfortable and messy and complicated and there are things to be navigated and disclosed that I haven’t told anyone in 16 years. There are the adolescent things that I haven’t thought about in 16 years, plus adult things like money, kids, blah, blah, blah.
And thinking about those things is no fun, really.
Which is why, mostly, I’m not. Truly.
I find this boy, the same one I shared my Pappy with (and no, that’s not a reference to anything, but I guess it could be if you wanted to try really hard), interesting. And not in a euphemistic way either. Like, keep-me-up-at-night-I-wonder-what-he-thinks-about-this interesting.
The kind of interesting that is intriguing to me. The kind that hasn’t been around in a very, very long time.
The best part about this boy is that he is so interesting to me that if things don’t progress to anything else for any reason, I would enjoy him anyway. He is awfully pretty to me, though, so there’s that, but I like what he does, and who he is, thus far.
Though he has one flaw that I have discovered, right away.
He is a vegetarian.
Now I am all about an alternative diet. I am annoyingly (to some) gluten-free without a celiac diagnosis (fuck off, haters. I just feel better, okay?). I grew up with vegetarians (when dinner was mostly dirt and grass). The Teenager has a vegan friend. My cousin Jennifer (and other relatives I know) are allergic to shellfish.
I understand no meat, spiritually, morally, and physically.
But no homemade chicken stock? No crab? No fish? What the hell?
He’s not even overly fond of cheese or eggs, both of which can be quite astonishing by themselves when cooked perfectly.
No, this one requires something special, and I am at a loss just now.
Possibly because I have been awake since 1:30 a.m., lying in bed, twirling my hair, and wondering if I should even be writing this post in the first place.
So.
Here it is, this post, with a request for suggestions. What should I try first?
It seems like fall always does this to me, and to my kid, too: sets me back on my heels, makes me a little melancholy. This fall is the first where we have been completely settled in two and a half years. The past two and a half years have been spent first in total shock, then next in planning and moving and renovating a house. Maybe that is why I have spent the last two weeks re-evaluating everything I am doing and coming to the really terrifying realization that the true grief for my departed husband has not yet quite begun. Fall should come with caution tape. So I have doubled down on yoga, practicing every day, usually at a class but at home if I can’t make one, asked for recommendations for therapists, attempted to re-design this website to make it a little more interesting (ha. that has been a process that is still ongoing), and gotten my affairs in order, the better to not clutter my head with things that really don’t matter as I try to figure out what. the. fuck. Oh, yeah, and I made gluten-free apple cider doughnuts. Baking, cooking, and preserving is the one thing that always gives me a small bit of joy. It has been that way for as long as I can remember. I love the process of baking itself. The creativity of flavors and substitutions for gluten-free or vegan baking, the mixing wet and dry ingredients and watching them smooth and wrap themselves around my beaters. The house smells delicious, and in the end I have something I can share, something that I know will be better than anything I can buy. It is fall, and it’s time for apple cider. Last week was caramel apple cocktails, and this week is gluten-free apple cider doughnuts. These are cake doughnuts that are highly spiced with cinnamon, clove, and nutmeg. They are, as always, gluten-free, but regular all-purpose flour works here, too. Enjoy. Oh, and if anybody is a Blogger pro, get in touch, would you? I have some free stuff to give away to subscribers but can’t figure that particular magic out. #KThanks Apple Cider Doughnuts Ingredients Doughnuts: 2 cups apple cider 2 eggs 1 stick butter, room temperature 1/2 cup sugar 1/2 cup milk 1 tsp. vinegar 3 tsp. vanilla extract 1 3/4 cups gluten-free all-purpose flour blend 1/4 cup oat flour OR almond meal 1/2 tsp. xanthan gum (optional if your blend already has it. I use it anyway) 2 tsp. baking powder 1 tsp. baking soda 1 T ground cinnamon 1/2 tsp. salt 1 tsp. ground nutmeg 1/8 tsp. cloves Topping: 1 stick melted butter 1/2 cup sugar 1 T cinnamon optional: add nutmeg, ground ginger, and cloves to taste Method: Preheat oven to 400 and grease two doughnut pans (either full size or mini). Before you begin, you need to reduce the apple cider from 2 cups to just 1/2 cup. Place in a medium saucepan over medium heat and bring to a lazy boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer until reduced, then cool to room temperature. The mixture will resemble simple syrup and is, indeed, DELICIOUS in a bourbon cocktail. This can be made the night before, but bring it to room temperature before adding. You also need to combine the milk and the vinegar to make a buttermilk, of sorts. I chose this method over purchasing buttermilk because most people don’t have buttermilk handy. If you do, feel free to substitute 1/2 cup of buttermilk. If not, add the vinegar to the milk and let sit for 10 minutes. In a small bowl, combine the following dry ingredients: flours, baking soda and powder, salt, and spices. In a medium bowl or stand mixer, cream the butter and sugar together until fluffy. Add eggs and beat, then add vanilla, milk mixture, and reduced apple cider. Beat until combined, then add the flour and continuing mixing until it is smooth (just a minute or two). If you have a pastry bag, use that to pipe the batter into the waiting doughnut tins. If not, scoop the batter into a Ziploc baggie, snip off a corner, and use that to pipe the batter into the tins. Fill about halfway up. Bake for eight to ten minutes. Doughnuts are ready when they spring back from a light touch. Turn out onto a wire rack. As soon as they are just cool enough to handle, dip each doughnut into melted butter and then roll in spicy sugar mixture. These may keep, but I have no experience with them lasting past noon on the day they are made, so let me know if they do. Recipe notes:
Doughnuts are just as delicious without the sugar topping, and you can also just use it for the top if you want to keep sugar in check.
There is a very good chance that you could make this vegan by subbing apple sauce for the eggs. I haven’t tried, but it seems like it would work. #reportback
